Archive for the ‘Henny Youngman’ Tag

On Family and Marriage: Henny Youngman   2 comments

“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house. That’s what it means.”

“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”

“My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.”

“My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it’s feet first!”

“My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?”

“I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”

“Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.”

“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”

I’ve got two wonderful children – and two out of five isn’t too bad.

What is a home without children? Quiet.

“My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.”

“Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.”

“Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.”

“Two guys in a gym, one putting on a girdle. One guys says, ‘Since when have you been wearing a girdle?’ Other guy says, ‘Since my wife found it in the glove compartment of our car.'”

“I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.”

“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”

“It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.”

“Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.”

“I miss my wife’s cooking – as often as I can.”

Posted December 18, 2013 by henrymowry in Living Life

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