On December 21, we complete the 13th b’aktun, or 13.0.0.0.0 on the Maya calendar. This date coincides with the winter solistice and has inspired all manner of doomsday theories. Here are 13 reasons I know there will be a December 22.
1. There’s still a work list on the refrigerator, and I’m just not that lucky.
2. The Mayas couldn’t predict the end of their culture … so they get to predict mine?
Plus, the whole world doesn’t get the grammar right … it’s the Maya calendar, not the Mayan calendar. If the race is that misunderstood, we didn’t understand what they were trying to say, anyway.
3. Pat Robertson didn’t say it. Well, he may have. I don’ t pay attention to him after he missed predicting the end of the world in 1980. And 2006.
4. I don’t know who the Mayas were, so I don’t care what they said.
5. My computer’s calendar has a December 22 on it, so it’s coming. I do believe in Microsoft.
6. Polite society doesn’t buy into the whole human sacrifice thing, so Mayas don’t get to vote on events of religious significance any more.
7. Glee’s most recent episode said the world was not going to end, and since I totally believe everything stated & shown on that show, I know there will be more Glee after December 21.
8. We don’t even stock Kool-Aid anymore, so I can’t drink it.
9. I’m pretty sure the Mayas never suffered from triskaidekaphobia. And even if they did, their mental health is not my problem.
10. Mayas believed looking into a mirror was an act of courage (check). Women were not allowed to look … and if they got THAT wrong, they couldn’t get very much right.
11. Velda’s already planning meals for after Christmas, and I won’t miss those.
12. The Maya calendar is carved in a circle. Circles don’t end. The world continues.
13. The Perfect Margarita still isn’t perfect. I need more time. Thank goodness I have enough tequila to see me through the stress of the world not ending.
To quote R.E.M., “(And I Feel Fine).”
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