Velda’s Kitchen: The Dark Side   5 comments

I’ve shouted from the rooftops about the quality of Velda’s cooking. She is a fabulous cook.

No food is safe from her.

Here is the love of my life celebrating Turkey Day in her own unique style.


There’s a dark side.

Here’s a dialogue over our holiday weekend lunch, faithfully recorded for posterity. And you.

He said: The soup is, uh….

She said: I wish I could taste anything. I’m tired of this gunge. I haven’t been able to taste anything for 4 weeks.

He: Is this the last of this soup?

She: What do you mean? It was frozen.

He: It doesn’t have much texture. It’s like it was reheated.

She: No, it was frozen.

He: Oh. I’m happy for the onions that give it some crunch.

She: It has no meat in it. Do you have any ham?

He: I think so. But the pieces are really, really small.

She: I have no ham.

He: There’s a little piece. And there’s a little one.

She: No ham. But … here’s some chicken skin. How did that get in here?

He: Some what?

She: Chicken skin. See?

He: What are we eating? This isn’t some dog food or something that you froze and forgot about, is it?

She: No, this is ham and beans. I probably started it with some chicken stock.

He: Is it OK to eat?

She: Sure.

He: How did you know what it was? Was it labeled?

She: Well….

He: What?

She: It was labeled “French Bread Crumbs.”


She: That’s what the bag said. But it’s ham and beans.

He: Are you sure it’s OK to eat?

She: Of course.

He: So, there was a package labeled “French Bread Crumbs,” but it had ham and bean soup in it, but that soup had chicken skin in it. Is it safe to eat?

She: Sure. Maybe I used chicken stock.

He: Really?

She: Maybe I should label things better.

He: Ya think?

The lunch was filling, and the conversation was lively. That’s all I’ll commit to at this point.


5 responses to “Velda’s Kitchen: The Dark Side

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  1. You lived didn’t you? And I didn’t let you starve. I suppose tomorrow’s blog will be about light and fluffy whole wheat pancakes and oxymorons???

  2. Very clever! I do hope after 38 years of marriage that you’ve learned to understand her conversations!

  3. Pingback: My Favorite Posts From 2015 |

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