I work at home. I’m alone with the phone, smilin’ and dialin’. Most days, it’s a quiet house.
It was nearing the end of my Monday, and the sales meeting was over. Calls were done. I was setting up my CRM database for the next few weeks … scheduling activities for broadcasters in Idaho, actually. It’s quiet work.
I was home alone. Well, just me and 3 cats.
And then I heard the buzz from the bedroom. A growl. A noise. An unidentified noise. A very peculiar noise. A new noise.
Not a cat, mind you. This sound was more, uh, creepy. Couldn’t identify it. I walked towards the noise.
Why? Because I’m a homeowner. It doesn’t matter how weird the noise is … it’s in MY house, and I have to end the noise and regain my solitude. Even if it’s a scary noise.
So I walked towards the noise.
Master bedroom. Through the door, past the bed. It’s coming from the shower area.
I walked toward the noise. It was still creepy. I had no idea what it was.
Past the desk. The noise seemed to be coming from the bathroom vanity. Still couldn’t figure it out. Water leak? Wild killer bees? Floor collapsing? No clue.
I walked toward the noise.
Ninja ran past me. Ninja’s the stealth cat that probably had nothing to do with the noise. That I can prove.
I walked towards the noise. I hear it. It’s IN THE SINK.
I’m now 6′ from the sink, and I still can’t see what Spawn of Satan is making this horrid racket.
I have no choice. I walked towards the noise.
.
.
.
.
.
BUZZZZZZZZZ.
.
.
.
.
.
It’s Velda’s toothbrush. Beelzebub must have turned it on. My nemesis is laying in the bottom of the sink. Buzzing. Vibrating. Spinning. And annoying me.
I pick it up, and it will not turn off. Two buttons. They do nothing.
BUZZZZZZZZZ.
I had to call Velda to find out how to kill the monster. I couldn’t do it. Arthur C Clarke said it best: “Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic.” The toothbrush was magic. It had a mind of its own, until Velda told me how to kill it … by plugging it in (and if that’s not a paradoxical solution, I don’t know what is. You kill it by feeding it?).
Solitude returns.
I faced my fear. Another home owner crisis … averted.
Beelzebub as he appears in Shin Megami Tensei II. Artwork by Kazuma Kaneko.
Leave a Reply