The Board Chronicles is an ongoing series of articles about the adventures of Mrs M’s Handmade as a vendor at community festivals & craft fairs. Mrs M’s subsidiary, Mr M’s Woodshop, has been approved to create this chronicle for the good of vendorkind.
This year is the 61st Annual. It’s a small town vendor event, with a rodeo and carnival thrown in. Oh, and a frog jumping contest. A beard growing contest. A costume contest. And, I’m sure a lot more! This small community definitely turns out for the event … I mean, what else would you do in Kernville, in February?
New Ideas
- This event has an odd structure over President’s Day weekend. The event runs Friday, 1p – dark. Saturday & Sunday run 9a – dark. And then, paradoxically, vendors are asked to open again on Monday, 9a – 1p. When we did this event 3 years ago, our Monday sales were $35. I think the Monday hours are to force vendors to stay another hotel night … or maybe just stay off the roads so tourists can leave Sunday evening without having to follow vendor vehicles.
Observations
- I got the loading of the trailer going; pulled the Jeep over & hooked up. No problem. Loaded the trailer. Got Mrs M loaded, uh, so to speak, and turned the Jeep’s key. Clickety-clickety-click. And, just like that, we were delayed over an hour while I went to buy and then install a new battery. I covered foreshadowing last week, so I see no need to cover it again this week. Apparently, God had other plans.
- We arrived in town right on time, actually. Had lunch at Cheryl’s Diner, and then went to the Chamber of Commerce to check in. We then went to our booth location and set up the “hard goods,” as we say: the canopy, tables, and display pieces. All product stayed in the trailer, as there was no security provided on this night. We were almost set up by dusk, and then headed off to find dinner.
- We used the Trimline canopy this week, since it was an extended length event with a leisurely set-up time. After not using this canopy for 6 months, I forgot how the roof went together. Unfortunately. We had to backtrack a bit to get it done properly, but the canopy is so nice when it’s up. It takes more time, but it’s worth it.
- I’ll keep saying that; Mrs M may believe it eventually.
- The aisle is pretty narrow between the booths at this event: there’s only about 10′ between the booths. Friday, a larger-than-life veteran planted himself in the middle of the aisle, outside of his booth a few booths down from us, and proceeded to try and raise funds by selling coffee cups for his veteran-focused charity. I appreciate the charity’s goal, but the sales style? Yuck.
- Thank goodness he did not return for the rest of the weekend.
- That same charity, though, had a couple of booth workers that were also in the parade as Harley Davidson riders. They parked their bikes in the driveway across from our booth, and then roared off down the aisle at about 4pm on Saturday. Gas fumes led to zero Mrs M sales until the air finally cleared several minutes later. Oh, and the noise made small children cry. Where were the promoters?
- Teen boy, pointing to his friend, asked Mrs M, “Do you have any lotion to fix his face?”
- Random odd guy walked by my booth and called out, “Do you have anything good?” Confused by the oddity, I didn’t respond; he never broke stride and called out, “Didn’t think so.”
- We had the first-ever opening of an actual beer bottle as my MBO demo. This event is characterized by a lot of public drinking; some do it as BYO, obviously!
- Young lady was looking at my stuff. Her large, long-haired significant other loudly announced, “You don’t need no f***ing fancy board to cut stuff.” They left the booth before I could react. Mrs M leaned over to me, “And he probably beats her, too.”
- The fact that this is supposed to be a family event did not deter many from using a limited vocabulary to express themselves.
- Mrs M and I were talking, sotto voice, about the paucity of sales. She said, “I want you to beat me … oh, I knew it sounded bad when I said it.”
- I did not, in either case.
- A guy was in the booth, accompanied by a couple of friends. He was shopping for a gift for his wife that was back at their home in France. He liked a board, but one of his friends told him, in my booth, that it was a poor gift choice. “You should buy her clothing or jewelry.” I did not throw the “friend” out of the booth. I held my tongue. The guy ditched the friends & came back an hour later to buy the board.
- Discretion can be a good thing.
- When you are a vendor, you’re just like the hired help, I guess. People can be Oh. So. Rude.
- Overheard:
- Young Girl (hovering over ZooSoapia): “Mommy, buy me a soap!”
- Mommy: “Don’t touch things! Lord, help me. This is why animals eat their young!”
- Can you tell we just didn’t feel it at this event? Poor sales. Poor parenting on display. Bad language heard frequently. I’m from a small town. I like small towns, but Kernville didn’t show us anything good on this trip.
- The Monday forecast was for lows overnight in the 20s, with high wind, rain or snow showers overnight and into the morning. Lotions freeze, so we were not interested in ruining product just so we could sit in the cold with no customers. We packed up Sunday night, went back to the motel (bringing the lotion inside for the night!), and then drove out Monday morning.
- As we drove through town, I saw at least 4 canopies that were upside down and ruined by the overnight winds. Many booths had already packed up at 9am; many more were not open during the “official” event hours.
- Requests were for a backgammon board, boards with no feet so they could have 2-sided use, and a cheese slicer.
The Food
- Best Meal: The Fremont Deli came to our booth on Friday, and offered to deliver to our booth when we ordered lunch during the event. We took their offer on Saturday, and I got a very nice, hot Ham & Cheese. Delicious. 4 stars.
- Honorable Mention: We had dinner Sunday night with our friend Delinda of Sweet Spot Home Decor. The restaurant (Kern River Brewing Co.) was not great … but the meal was a perfect way to relieve the stresses of a failed event. 2 stars.
- Worst Meal: El Rio was the Mexican restaurant we found. The food’s not bad, really, but the place has zero atmosphere. The next night, we ate in the motel; we had carry out hot chicken from the grocery store deli, and that was better. YaknowhatImean? 1 star.
- Final recommendation: Don’t go to Kernville for the food.
The Facts
- Total miles driven: 281
- Booth cost: $550
- Food cost: $271
- Travel cost: $146
- Total sales: $1,126
- Net Revenue (does not include product cost): $159
- # of people we met during the event from the producer: none
- Visits in our booth by a promoter’s representative: none
- # transactions: not nearly enough
- # soap & lotion vendors: There were 5 handmade soap vendors at this event, which was entirely too many, IMHO. This event may “jury” some categories, and I use the term very loosely … but they didn’t count or care about how many soap makers they let in.
- # woodworking vendors: There was one other cutting board maker there (!). He did different stuff as well, including boxes and spoons.
- Edge grain vs. end grain: 10:0
- Returning next year? Nope.
Boards sold: 10
Coasters: 2x
Cutting Boards: 2x
Trivets: 2x
Large Sous Chef: 1x
Soap Deck: 1x
Magic Bottle Opener: 1x
Small Board: 1x
Coasters 18 – 07. Jatoba, Hard Maple, Bloodwood, Purpleheart, Yellowheart & Black Walnut. Shown with Black Walnut holder.
Cutting Board 17 – 146. Purpleheart, Yellowheart, Canarywood, Hard Maple & Padauk. 12″ x 20″ x 1-1/4″.
Magic Bottle Opener 18 – 116. Wall mount.
Small Board 18 – 201. Bloodwood, Jatoba, Birds Eye Maple & Jatoba. 9″ x 12″ x 3/4″.
Trivet 17 – 18. Black Walnut, Jatoba, Hard Maple & Padauk.
Trivet 17 – 081. Padauk, Hard Maple & Oak.
Cutting Board 17 – 137. Jatoba, Honey Locust & Hard Maple. Edge grain, Juice groove. 14″ x 11″ x 1-1/8″.
Sous Chef 17 – 914. Birdseye Maple, Jatoba, Purpleheart & Bloodwood. Large size, with the work space approximately 10″ x 15″, with the handle extending for an additional 6″.
