“Do you know what it means to come home at night to a woman who’ll give you a little love, a little affection, a little tenderness? It means you’re in the wrong house. That’s what it means.”
“When I read about the evils of drinking, I gave up reading.”
“My grandmother is over eighty and still doesn’t need glasses. Drinks right out of the bottle.”
“My son complains about headaches. I tell him all the time, when you get out of bed, it’s feet first!”
“My dad was the town drunk. Most of the time that’s not so bad; but New York City?”
“I take my wife everywhere, but she keeps finding her way back.”
“Just got back from a pleasure trip: I took my mother-in-law to the airport.”
“The secret of a happy marriage remains a secret.”
I’ve got two wonderful children – and two out of five isn’t too bad.
What is a home without children? Quiet.
“My best friend ran away with my wife, and let me tell you, I miss him.”
“Just think, if it weren’t for marriage, men would go through life thinking they had no faults at all.”
“Losing a wife can be very hard. In my case, it was almost impossible.”
“Two guys in a gym, one putting on a girdle. One guys says, ‘Since when have you been wearing a girdle?’ Other guy says, ‘Since my wife found it in the glove compartment of our car.'”
“I’ve been in love with the same woman for forty-one years. If my wife finds out, she’ll kill me.”
“Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays.”
“It’s not true that married men live longer than single men. It only seems longer.”
“Man is incomplete until he is married. Then he is finished.”
“I miss my wife’s cooking – as often as I can.”
Pingback: The 40 Best Funny Marriage Quotes - Quotes About Marriage .Com
Pingback: Sunday Cryptoquote Spoiler – 08/24/14 | Unclerave's Wordy Weblog